Fascination

When Claire was born, everything she did was a source of fascination for me. She's focusing on my face! She likes ceiling fans! She's smiling! Oh my goodness, she LAUGHED!!! Even as she became a toddler, the stuff she did was thrilling. Climbing up the stairs, climbing back down the stairs. Finally talking (they really do mean "explosion" when they refer to a "language explosion") and learning all of her letters around the age of 2.
I really, really hoped that I would be just as fascinated by Natalie. And for the most part, I am, because she and Claire are quite different. As a newborn, Natalie was really mellow and content to watch her world from my arms or her carseat. But then she realized that she wanted to be like Claire and Alair (my 4 1/2 year old sister). Once we moved to Mom & Dad's house, Natalie's desire to be one of the big girls really spurred her to achieve independent movement much earlier than Claire did. Natalie was crawling backwards around 7 months, finally getting the hang of forward gear about a month later. And by about 9 months, she was trying to pull up on furniture. Now she cruises around the furniture and wants so badly to be able to walk by herself. She likes getting into everything she can. She's already contemplated climbing the stairs. She loves going down to the playroom and being with the big girls. Natalie's world is meant to be explored! The big girls get to do all kinds of stuff, so Natalie thinks she ought to be able to, too. She smiles so big when she "gets away" with things like opening a drawer and getting stuff out.
I really hope both girls stay so fascinating for a long time yet.

Not Listening

Today the girls are having their fourth visit with their father since he asked for the divorce. I am slowly getting used to not listening for them. My ears are always attuned to the girls. Even if I'm in the middle of something else, I keep one ear out for my girls.
The first time they visited their father, I was going crazy. I was wandering aimlessly around the house, I couldn't concentrate on anything, and I was LISTENING. Why wasn't Natalie crying? Why wasn't Claire asking me to help her on the potty? It actually took me a couple of seconds each time to remember that they weren't in the house. But now, even though I'm still restless and find it difficult to concentrate, I'm getting used to it.
Today I've played a little Playstation (I'm going to save up and buy a Wii at some point) and now I've got a movie on and I'm going to work on organizing my embroidery supplies. That's pretty much the only hobby stuff I've got here that I want to have out. I have 3 wedding gifts from last year that I've got to get finished.

Sleep training, Natalie version

When I was pregnant with Natalie, I wrote a post about sleep-training Claire who was about 25 months old at the time. Well, I had decided when Natalie was born that I wouldn't wait that long to make sure she slept through the night. I thought probably at the time I weaned her, I would do some sleep training.
Well, what with the pending divorce, the two girls and I sleeping in the same room, and me having to get a job that pays actual money sooner than later, I thought now would be a good time to start. Natalie is 9 months old and I recognize her cries well enough to know when she's hungry, sick, in pain, or just asking for a hug.
Last night was night 6, and I only had to get up two or three times to replace the pacifier. Otherwise, she slept from 8:30 last night until 7:30 this morning. Plus she took an almost 2-hour nap this afternoon, which is a huge nap for her.
I do wish I didn't have to let her cry it out, and I know there will still be plenty of sleepless nights ahead. But last night I got more sleep in one night than I think I have since I got pregnant with Claire almost 4 years ago.

So...

January 2010 is on record as one of the suckiest months ever. The LT, who will now be called the EX, decided his post-traumatic stress disorder was getting to be too much for him, he couldn't "deal with the reality of his home situation" and was "on a self-destructive path", and left me and the girls, who will now be called their names of Claire and Natalie. The EX strung me along for a couple of weeks, finally asking for a divorce on January 18th. Now, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DIVORCE, so I said no. But as is his wont, he got his way when he confessed to an affair at work, changed the locks to the house, and cancelled my bank account and credit card.
I really, really don't recognize this person anymore. I get just sick when I receive texts or phone calls from him. I went on a stress-induced Diet Coke starvation diet and lost nearly all my Natalie pregnancy weight, which one might think is a good thing until you remember that I'm still breastfeeding. So now I'm also supplementing with formula. My appetite has pretty much improved now, thanks to the fact that the girls and I moved in with my parents, youngest brother, and 4 1/2 year old sister. My mom is a great cook and while I am, too, I know I wouldn't have any interest in cooking for myself, a 3-year-old and a 9-month-old.
I also have to get a job. Even though the EX says he'll willingly pay child support, I will still need more money than that. I don't want to live with my parents forever (I am almost 31 years old). Plus, I will need to get out and meet people. My mom will be doing daycare for the girls, at least to start out. That will help transition them into not having me around 24/7.
Ugh. I can only hope and pray that the rest of 2010 goes better than the first two months.

Baby Jesus and Mama Mary and Daddy Joe-pep

Which is how Cee describes any manger scene she sees. Which is pretty cool. Which also reminds me that once in awhile, I do something right as a Mommy.
When I got out the Christmas decorations this year, Cee saw the wrapping paper and thought it was for a birthday. So I told her, yes, it is, and explained about Baby Jesus, Mama Mary, and Daddy Joe-pep.
We made a birthday cake for Baby Jesus this year. The LT and I are trying to make sure the girls know about Jesus at Christmas before putting too much emphasis on Santa. Also, I had to use up some bananas, so it was a banana cake we made, and then I found some chocolate frosting in my ingredients cupboard and dumped a lot of sprinkles on top. I think Jesus would be pretty pleased by His cake.
I did have to explain to Cee that Jesus would not be coming by for dinner on Christmas Eve, but that we would think of Him when we ate it and remember His birth.
The girls had a very nice Christmas. Their big gift was a toy kitchen and Cee and Lee both loved it. Then there were some little gifts and each got a blanket. Cee's featured Lightning McQueen and Mater, and Lee's had her name and a little puppy embroidered on it.
So Merry Christmas to you all, and Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus.