Sunday, February 21, 2010

Not Listening

Today the girls are having their fourth visit with their father since he asked for the divorce. I am slowly getting used to not listening for them. My ears are always attuned to the girls. Even if I'm in the middle of something else, I keep one ear out for my girls.
The first time they visited their father, I was going crazy. I was wandering aimlessly around the house, I couldn't concentrate on anything, and I was LISTENING. Why wasn't Natalie crying? Why wasn't Claire asking me to help her on the potty? It actually took me a couple of seconds each time to remember that they weren't in the house. But now, even though I'm still restless and find it difficult to concentrate, I'm getting used to it.
Today I've played a little Playstation (I'm going to save up and buy a Wii at some point) and now I've got a movie on and I'm going to work on organizing my embroidery supplies. That's pretty much the only hobby stuff I've got here that I want to have out. I have 3 wedding gifts from last year that I've got to get finished.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Sleep training, Natalie version

When I was pregnant with Natalie, I wrote a post about sleep-training Claire who was about 25 months old at the time. Well, I had decided when Natalie was born that I wouldn't wait that long to make sure she slept through the night. I thought probably at the time I weaned her, I would do some sleep training.
Well, what with the pending divorce, the two girls and I sleeping in the same room, and me having to get a job that pays actual money sooner than later, I thought now would be a good time to start. Natalie is 9 months old and I recognize her cries well enough to know when she's hungry, sick, in pain, or just asking for a hug.
Last night was night 6, and I only had to get up two or three times to replace the pacifier. Otherwise, she slept from 8:30 last night until 7:30 this morning. Plus she took an almost 2-hour nap this afternoon, which is a huge nap for her.
I do wish I didn't have to let her cry it out, and I know there will still be plenty of sleepless nights ahead. But last night I got more sleep in one night than I think I have since I got pregnant with Claire almost 4 years ago.

Friday, February 19, 2010


January 2010 is on record as one of the suckiest months ever. The LT, who will now be called the EX, decided his post-traumatic stress disorder was getting to be too much for him, he couldn't "deal with the reality of his home situation" and was "on a self-destructive path", and left me and the girls, who will now be called their names of Claire and Natalie. The EX strung me along for a couple of weeks, finally asking for a divorce on January 18th. Now, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DIVORCE, so I said no. But as is his wont, he got his way when he confessed to an affair at work, changed the locks to the house, and cancelled my bank account and credit card.
I really, really don't recognize this person anymore. I get just sick when I receive texts or phone calls from him. I went on a stress-induced Diet Coke starvation diet and lost nearly all my Natalie pregnancy weight, which one might think is a good thing until you remember that I'm still breastfeeding. So now I'm also supplementing with formula. My appetite has pretty much improved now, thanks to the fact that the girls and I moved in with my parents, youngest brother, and 4 1/2 year old sister. My mom is a great cook and while I am, too, I know I wouldn't have any interest in cooking for myself, a 3-year-old and a 9-month-old.
I also have to get a job. Even though the EX says he'll willingly pay child support, I will still need more money than that. I don't want to live with my parents forever (I am almost 31 years old). Plus, I will need to get out and meet people. My mom will be doing daycare for the girls, at least to start out. That will help transition them into not having me around 24/7.
Ugh. I can only hope and pray that the rest of 2010 goes better than the first two months.